These chapters are short, and I don't have a whole lot to say about them. I thought that I didn't have much to say last time, and ended up with a whole lot, so maybe once I get going I'll find I have more thoughts than I realized. Let's see........
Chapter 9 Finding Your Life in His
This chapter is about how we respond when our life, because of our husband's decisions (especially about his job or vocation) turns our life in a different direction than what we had planned. Mrs Pearl exhorts us to recognise that we were created to be our husband's helper and that includes when hubby decides to change his job or follow his vision in some way different than what was expected when they first married.
This sure hits home for me. I never wanted to marry a corporate sort of guy who worried about contracts, etc. I thought I was marrying a scientist who would do "bench work" or computer work and write on his blackboard and hobnob with other scientists and write papers and go to conferences (especially that last, so we could afford to go home more often!). His company left the civil service arena and became commercial, so guess what, he had to worry about commercial contracts and travel more, and do more overtime, etc. I was not a happy bunny sometimes. Sometimes things were really quite bad as he was being required to do more overtime and travelling than was healthy or safe, never mind the negative effect it all had on our family.
I hope that I have learned to walk more in contentment and be more accepting of the circumstances. I want to say here that there are some times when a husband's work and/or schedule is very bad and I don't think women should beat themselves up for being upset about it and disliking it. But, whether it be God who obviously is the one keeping the husband in that situation for some reason (discipline/chastisement or for growth or ministry) or the husband who doesn't want to bother looking for better employment, it is our task, after communicating our concerns and feelings (because I don't think it's wrong to communicate those) to let God deal with it, and to learn to be content in our circumstances and not bring the negatives up very often. Easier said than done. Ask me how I know this. ;)
I like what Mrs Pearl says:
(p. 96) God didn't creat Adam and Eve at the same time and then tell them to work out some compromise on how they would each achieve their personal goals in a cooperative endeavor. He created Adam, gave him an occupation, appointed him as ruler of the lanet, endowed him with a spiritual outlook, gave him commands, and specified his occupational duties. Adam commenced his rule of the planet before God created Eve to help him in his life's goals. Adam didn't need to get Eve's consent. God gave her to Adam to be His helper, not his partner. She was designed to serve, not to be served, to assist, not to veto his decisions. Talk about a change of occupation and habitation! Look at Eve. Can you imagine her saying something like this to Adam? "When God brought me to you in that wonderful garden, and we commenced life together, you never said anything about thorns and thistles, about pain in childbirth, about milking goats and churning butter. I am not a wilderness girl!"
(Emphases in the original)
Chapter 10 Reactions Define You
This is about how our reactions reveal what is really in our hearts or how we really think. (My caveat on this is below but I will share a few good quotes first.)
"Reactions are not premeditated actions springing from our best motives, carefully thought out, planned, and weighed. They are emotional responses, breaking loose like wild horses when we feel hurt, cheated, used, or misunderstood." pg100
"The way you think every day determines they way you feel, and it will determine how you will react in stressful situations." pg 101
I like the above quotes.
I feel that in some of what is said in this chapter, the case is overstated or is not completely true. It is true that our responses, especially in a crises or when we are otherwise emotionally pressed, reveal who we are - but I do not believe it reveals all of who we are. I think adopting this viewpoint too broadly might lead to a lot of negative thoughts towards others and towards ourselves. I think it is more true to say that our negative, unhelpful responses reveal where we still have allowed fleshly weeds to grow in our heart's garden. Perhaps a habitual bad response shows a greater need but I want to remind us that we are "new creatures" in Christ. We need to continue to work on things ourselves (2 Corinthians 7:1) but I would hate for someone to think she was not a Christian because she has things to work on - like perfecting her responses. It is a journey toward holiness. I do not disagree with Mrs Pearl in thinking that our thinking and therefore our responses need to be conformed to God's will; I am simply stating that certain responses are not a revelation of the Entire Us, instead they are merely showing a part of our heart that still needs work. (I'm willing to hear of Scriptures correcting my view.)
Mrs. Pearl spends some time in explaining that sometimes we perceive something in a certain way, when the reality is different or when we could look at things a different way (like being grateful that our late husband at least comes home - because some husbands don't).
Here is another quote, from near the end of the chapter, that I like quite a bit:
p 103. When you develop an adversarial relationship with your husband, you do so on the premise that you are right and he is wrong. You are also assuming that you have the duty to resist, confront, and challenge him. In thinking he is wrong and you are right, you declare yourself wiser than he, more spiritual, more discerning, more sacrificial, etc. All this adds up to the obvious conclusion that you have assumed the role of leadership, teacher, and judge. This is sinful and odious, and it displeases God grealy. No woman will ever have peace and joy until her mind is filled with goodwill toward her husband, and she is committed to becoming a good help meet for him. (emphasis in original)
That is certainly a convicting quote for me. How often I assume that how I look at things, is the only right way. Thank God for His patience, grace and mercy!
Blessings to all,
Karen
Chapter 10 Reactions Define You
This is about how our reactions reveal what is really in our hearts or how we really think. (My caveat on this is below but I will share a few good quotes first.)
"Reactions are not premeditated actions springing from our best motives, carefully thought out, planned, and weighed. They are emotional responses, breaking loose like wild horses when we feel hurt, cheated, used, or misunderstood." pg100
"The way you think every day determines they way you feel, and it will determine how you will react in stressful situations." pg 101
I like the above quotes.
I feel that in some of what is said in this chapter, the case is overstated or is not completely true. It is true that our responses, especially in a crises or when we are otherwise emotionally pressed, reveal who we are - but I do not believe it reveals all of who we are. I think adopting this viewpoint too broadly might lead to a lot of negative thoughts towards others and towards ourselves. I think it is more true to say that our negative, unhelpful responses reveal where we still have allowed fleshly weeds to grow in our heart's garden. Perhaps a habitual bad response shows a greater need but I want to remind us that we are "new creatures" in Christ. We need to continue to work on things ourselves (2 Corinthians 7:1) but I would hate for someone to think she was not a Christian because she has things to work on - like perfecting her responses. It is a journey toward holiness. I do not disagree with Mrs Pearl in thinking that our thinking and therefore our responses need to be conformed to God's will; I am simply stating that certain responses are not a revelation of the Entire Us, instead they are merely showing a part of our heart that still needs work. (I'm willing to hear of Scriptures correcting my view.)
Mrs. Pearl spends some time in explaining that sometimes we perceive something in a certain way, when the reality is different or when we could look at things a different way (like being grateful that our late husband at least comes home - because some husbands don't).
Here is another quote, from near the end of the chapter, that I like quite a bit:
p 103. When you develop an adversarial relationship with your husband, you do so on the premise that you are right and he is wrong. You are also assuming that you have the duty to resist, confront, and challenge him. In thinking he is wrong and you are right, you declare yourself wiser than he, more spiritual, more discerning, more sacrificial, etc. All this adds up to the obvious conclusion that you have assumed the role of leadership, teacher, and judge. This is sinful and odious, and it displeases God grealy. No woman will ever have peace and joy until her mind is filled with goodwill toward her husband, and she is committed to becoming a good help meet for him. (emphasis in original)
That is certainly a convicting quote for me. How often I assume that how I look at things, is the only right way. Thank God for His patience, grace and mercy!
Blessings to all,
Karen
