It seems to me that the main point of chapter 7 is to wrap up the two previous chapters with the exhortation to be wise and to measure up what's really important. There are two examples of women who were bothered by some ungodliness or at least the lack of spiritual-mindedness in their husband. With the first there is time to consider her course, and Debi Pearl encourages her to realize that the harm done by the exhibition of her desires for righteousness will outweigh the perceived harm done by her husband. The second example is quite sad, it is a letter from a woman who realizes that her "stand" for righteousness wrecked her marriage and did no one any good at all. I have to say that at least this woman has come to realize her sad mistake; I am aware of women who have done the same and yet cannot see their own errors and how they have been instrumental in damaging their family and diminished the opportunities for God to work in their home.
Some may feel that the pictures that Debi Pearl paints of the divorced women are over-dramatic. I think that the mistakes made by the women talked about in the chapter may not have always in all marriages led to divorce, but their pushing for what they saw as godliness in the home is/was certainly detrimental to a good and happy marriage. Do we wives really want our husbands to change what they do because they want our approval, or do we want them to change because they allow God to work in their hearts? Surely the latter is better, is it not?
This chapter invites us to think seriously about the future we want. Do we want to preserve our marriage by doing all we can to be the wives God meant us to be, or do we want to start down a slippery road, which may end in the failure of our marriage, by being self-righteous and critical of our spouse? (Now, don't tell me that not all divorces are caused by the woman being this way. I know that. But are you not aware of some failed marriages which are very likely due to this type of thing? I am. And that is what we are being warned about.)
One thing that spoke quite strongly to me was the thought that the children would cope with the moderate level of ungodliness that one family was experiencing via the TV, but that they would not cope well with an unstable marriage. Mrs Pearl points out again that Adam did not need a conscience when God made a helper for him - he already had one.
I like this paragraph:
"I am not suggesting that you should have lower standards. In fact, your husband obviously should have higher standards, but your nagging and criticism have the opposite effect of producing righteousness. Ideally, if you could hold your standards, hold your tongue, and hold your man, in time you might be able to put forth an appeal to him that does not offend." p67
I find for myself I need to be careful of the Christian material I read or listen to. There are a lot of good teachers out there, and good materials, but I find that some of them, or at least reading or listening too much to them, can cause me to become discontent with how things are in our family. I have realized - although I do not perfectly live it out - that allowing God to work in David and our family, and allowing David to be the head, means that I need to not be so influenced by what other men say a family should be (although nothing is wrong with high standards and learning how others do things) and should learn to be content, and be a happy wife and mother in the circumstances I find myself. I'm not trying to say anything critical of my own husband here. But many of you will recognize how we women can get caught up by the messages of "visionaries" (more to come on that) and fail to appreciate the good things we do have while we focus on all the seeming "lacks" in our family life.
Chapter 8
You can read all or most (I haven't compared) of chapter 8 here.
Mrs Pearl and her daughter worked on this chapter together. They feel that there are 3 main types of men. Here commenceth all the "I don't believe in labelling people" etc etc. Well, I agree it's not good to put people in boxes and keep them there, but if descriptions of types of people are helpful in living our lives, then we can use them. What we should not do it use them to hurt others or to indicate that they automatically have bad habits or attributes or that they cannot change. I find it handy to have church names - even denominational ones - when I am thinking of visiting a church. I know that certain denominations do not reflect what I believe to be the truth, so I avoid them. I realize that not every Baptist is going to be a sweet, on-fire-for-the-Lord Christian, but I know that the general beliefs of typical Baptist churches (if holding to the statements of the denominations) are mostly compatible with our beliefs so I won't be too worried about bringing my children along when we visit one. So labels although not 100% accurate are helpful to some degree. (My rant about churches which refuse to label themselves will be reserved for another day.)
Uh... back to the subject at hand. If you can read this blog then there is no real reason except for time to not read the original chapter, so please do so if you have time.
Briefly, Mrs Pearl and Mrs Anast divide men up into three categories - Mr Command, Mr Visionary, and Mr Steady. They say that the perfect man would be a perfect balance of all these types, and that each type expresses one of the three sides of God's nature. I'm not sure how theologically sound that is - I'm not saying it's not, but I'm not saying it is either. It's not too far off, and I do understand how each of these types would express one aspect of God, but I don't know that God only has three sides to His nature. I think of the Trinity as being more than a "side" of God and can't really picture these types of men as being reflections of each of the members of the Trinity.
However, as descriptions of men, they are fairly useful and I think it is possible to slot different men that I know, into one of the categories. Brother X is a Mr Visionary, Y's husband is definitely a Mr Command Man, that brother over there seems to be a Mr Steady. And my own husband is... maybe I'll reveal that later.
The authors say that most men are combinations of the three types but usuallly are stronger in one. That is probably true for most men.
I asked David to read this chapter, to get his opinion of it. Briefly, his view is that like all other categorizations, it is useful as far as it goes. It can be helpful to understand the tendencies and mindsets of different types of people. He felt it might have been more helpful if each section had been divided into the "good" points and the "bad" points of each character. I agree with this.
Some who have had strong negative reactions to this book, or at least this chapter (and I feel many take issue with the whole book after only reading this one chapter, perhaps also already having a negative opinion of the Pearls), seem to focus comments on the negative aspects of Mr Command Man, stating that the authors are saying these are some of God's attributes too. I feel that if the characteristics of each type could have been put into sections, saying, here are the positives, or how a godly man puts his attributes into action, and over here are the negatives, or how the attributes can be used in a fleshly manner, it may have been a bit clearer to people that the authors are not saying that these negative things are not aspects of God's nature.
Now, to leave the issues of style and go on to how this chapter affects people, I'm finding that many women - especially those married to "Mr Steadys" - are finding this chapter very helpful in increasing their understanding and appreciation of their husbands. I look at the types of men, and think of men I know who exemplify them, and at the wives who have adjusted well to them, and can see the wisdom of much of what this chapter teaches. It's definitely worth some thoughtful reading and reflection.
I'll jump back to my own husband. We feel he is a Mr Steady - with a little Mr Visionary (the science part). You can see how someone who is a typical geeky scientist type (said in all affection) could be that way. Where the types fall down here is that my dh does not enjoy small talk at all, nor is he a "people person" (like a Mr Steady supposedly does and is) although he does not dislike people. With the right sort of person he enjoys conversation. Many scientists would be the same so I wonder if there is a large subset of the Steady/Visionary mix. However we do know some scientists who are more of the "Mr Command Man" type, again with the Visionary mixed in. Funnily, although they are not "supposed" to like casual chat, they do!
So, like all generalizations, they are useful for a broad-brush picture, and helpful in understanding a little more people not like oneself. DH and I also think that the "four temperaments" categorizations are helpful to a degree - if you are familiar with those you might have fun trying to compare them to the 3 types of men presented in this chapter. Perhaps there are other ways to look at people.
I found the chapter interesting, and fairly helpful and that it promoted more appreciation for my spouse. Like with all teaching, I tend to eat the sweet bits, and spit out the seeds -because any fruit made by humans is probably going to have some!!
PS - I wrote this off and on throughout the day - I don't want anyone thinking I was glued to the computer the whole time!!!
I like this paragraph:
"I am not suggesting that you should have lower standards. In fact, your husband obviously should have higher standards, but your nagging and criticism have the opposite effect of producing righteousness. Ideally, if you could hold your standards, hold your tongue, and hold your man, in time you might be able to put forth an appeal to him that does not offend." p67
I find for myself I need to be careful of the Christian material I read or listen to. There are a lot of good teachers out there, and good materials, but I find that some of them, or at least reading or listening too much to them, can cause me to become discontent with how things are in our family. I have realized - although I do not perfectly live it out - that allowing God to work in David and our family, and allowing David to be the head, means that I need to not be so influenced by what other men say a family should be (although nothing is wrong with high standards and learning how others do things) and should learn to be content, and be a happy wife and mother in the circumstances I find myself. I'm not trying to say anything critical of my own husband here. But many of you will recognize how we women can get caught up by the messages of "visionaries" (more to come on that) and fail to appreciate the good things we do have while we focus on all the seeming "lacks" in our family life.
Chapter 8
You can read all or most (I haven't compared) of chapter 8 here.
Mrs Pearl and her daughter worked on this chapter together. They feel that there are 3 main types of men. Here commenceth all the "I don't believe in labelling people" etc etc. Well, I agree it's not good to put people in boxes and keep them there, but if descriptions of types of people are helpful in living our lives, then we can use them. What we should not do it use them to hurt others or to indicate that they automatically have bad habits or attributes or that they cannot change. I find it handy to have church names - even denominational ones - when I am thinking of visiting a church. I know that certain denominations do not reflect what I believe to be the truth, so I avoid them. I realize that not every Baptist is going to be a sweet, on-fire-for-the-Lord Christian, but I know that the general beliefs of typical Baptist churches (if holding to the statements of the denominations) are mostly compatible with our beliefs so I won't be too worried about bringing my children along when we visit one. So labels although not 100% accurate are helpful to some degree. (My rant about churches which refuse to label themselves will be reserved for another day.)
Uh... back to the subject at hand. If you can read this blog then there is no real reason except for time to not read the original chapter, so please do so if you have time.
Briefly, Mrs Pearl and Mrs Anast divide men up into three categories - Mr Command, Mr Visionary, and Mr Steady. They say that the perfect man would be a perfect balance of all these types, and that each type expresses one of the three sides of God's nature. I'm not sure how theologically sound that is - I'm not saying it's not, but I'm not saying it is either. It's not too far off, and I do understand how each of these types would express one aspect of God, but I don't know that God only has three sides to His nature. I think of the Trinity as being more than a "side" of God and can't really picture these types of men as being reflections of each of the members of the Trinity.
However, as descriptions of men, they are fairly useful and I think it is possible to slot different men that I know, into one of the categories. Brother X is a Mr Visionary, Y's husband is definitely a Mr Command Man, that brother over there seems to be a Mr Steady. And my own husband is... maybe I'll reveal that later.
The authors say that most men are combinations of the three types but usuallly are stronger in one. That is probably true for most men.
I asked David to read this chapter, to get his opinion of it. Briefly, his view is that like all other categorizations, it is useful as far as it goes. It can be helpful to understand the tendencies and mindsets of different types of people. He felt it might have been more helpful if each section had been divided into the "good" points and the "bad" points of each character. I agree with this.
Some who have had strong negative reactions to this book, or at least this chapter (and I feel many take issue with the whole book after only reading this one chapter, perhaps also already having a negative opinion of the Pearls), seem to focus comments on the negative aspects of Mr Command Man, stating that the authors are saying these are some of God's attributes too. I feel that if the characteristics of each type could have been put into sections, saying, here are the positives, or how a godly man puts his attributes into action, and over here are the negatives, or how the attributes can be used in a fleshly manner, it may have been a bit clearer to people that the authors are not saying that these negative things are not aspects of God's nature.
Now, to leave the issues of style and go on to how this chapter affects people, I'm finding that many women - especially those married to "Mr Steadys" - are finding this chapter very helpful in increasing their understanding and appreciation of their husbands. I look at the types of men, and think of men I know who exemplify them, and at the wives who have adjusted well to them, and can see the wisdom of much of what this chapter teaches. It's definitely worth some thoughtful reading and reflection.
I'll jump back to my own husband. We feel he is a Mr Steady - with a little Mr Visionary (the science part). You can see how someone who is a typical geeky scientist type (said in all affection) could be that way. Where the types fall down here is that my dh does not enjoy small talk at all, nor is he a "people person" (like a Mr Steady supposedly does and is) although he does not dislike people. With the right sort of person he enjoys conversation. Many scientists would be the same so I wonder if there is a large subset of the Steady/Visionary mix. However we do know some scientists who are more of the "Mr Command Man" type, again with the Visionary mixed in. Funnily, although they are not "supposed" to like casual chat, they do!
So, like all generalizations, they are useful for a broad-brush picture, and helpful in understanding a little more people not like oneself. DH and I also think that the "four temperaments" categorizations are helpful to a degree - if you are familiar with those you might have fun trying to compare them to the 3 types of men presented in this chapter. Perhaps there are other ways to look at people.
I found the chapter interesting, and fairly helpful and that it promoted more appreciation for my spouse. Like with all teaching, I tend to eat the sweet bits, and spit out the seeds -because any fruit made by humans is probably going to have some!!
PS - I wrote this off and on throughout the day - I don't want anyone thinking I was glued to the computer the whole time!!!
