This chapter is very short; just four pages long.  It is about the mandate to be "keepers at home" or as my favorite version, the NASB puts it, being "workers at home."   I just wonder, when no one would debate the fact that "young" women are still to be sensible, pure, discreet, chaste, etc, why suddenly the issue of being a keeper/worker at home becomes culturally bound and therefore irrelevant to women in the 21st century?
The definition of keeper in this phrase is not just about staying at home, but of being a guardian, caretaker, someone who watches over the home.  There is so much to do at home, besides the basics of cooking and cleaning.

There is the watching of children, of caring for them - this is more than just keeping them from physical danger, but of guiding them into right activities and fostering growth in spirit and mind as well as body. 

Mrs. Pearl spends some time on the issue of women who would like to stay at home, but whose husbands want them to work.  The key is to have the right attitude, of wanting to both obey God in the issue of staying at home but also of being submitted to one's husband and trusting God to work out any conflict.  She suggests ways of making an appeal and then if it is granted, of learning to live frugally.

She gives several excellent suggestions, but I know that it is sometimes the man who wants the fancier and more expensive items and lifestyle, and I wish Mrs. Pearl would have spent a little more time on this situation.  I know the answer would be to submit and commit it to the Lord, but I still wish she would have given some encouragement to wives in this position. 

I have found Amy Dacyzyn's (sp?) books to be very helpful in learning to think of ways to be frugal.  She wrote a newsletter called the Tightwad Gazette and later put the various issues into books, still called the Tightwad Gazette (there's a II and a III I think).  Another thing I find helpful in learning to budget is to learn thankfulness and contentment.

I am not perfect in the budget arena but I am grateful to be able to do what I feel God has called me to do, to be a home-worker and a full-time mother to my children.  Some days I need to put my heart into it a little more, but that is part of the sanctification I hope that God is working in my life.

Mrs. Pearl discusses the modern phenomena of women leaving home via their phones and computers although they may still physically be in the home itself.  The issues are idleness and gossip.

She finishes by painting a picture of a woman busy at home, doing good to both her children and husband and keeping the home "so that when Daddy comes home, it is to a sanctuary of peace, love, and order." (p.212)

Tall order, but what a blessing when we acheive it!

Created to Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl.  This post is part of a series of reviews of this book which focusses on the woman's role in marriage.  Both of the Pearls call things as they see them and although never coarse, their writing can be uncomfortably direct for some readers.  I have not agreed with every little thing in this book but find it extremely Biblical when it gets down to the meat and bones of what a married Christian woman's role and task should be.  I recommend this book to those who are willing to explore - with the Bible alongside to test everything - both the Biblical mandates for women and the current errors of modern thinking and practice.  My reviews do go beyond simply reviewing the chapters though, as I use them as a springboard to present my own thoughts or direct readers to other writers.

I hope to do chapter 20 later today, or perhaps tomorrow.  I see that Sal of Stand Up and Walk has already got her post up.   Well done Sal. 
Chapter 19 features the directive "to be chaste" from Titus 2:4-5. 

chapters 17 and 18.

Molly is still recovering from the recent birth of her son, and her computer is down, so I'm not sure if she'll be posting this week.
Sal is on vacation this week so will be absent.
Kristen and Jenna haven't posted yet so I won't try to link them now.

I was on vacation last week, and as I was preparing both for that and my youth group talk, I didn't do the reviews of chapters 15 and 16.  I thought I'd do them when I got back, but here it is Tuesday again and time for chapters 17 and 18.  I think I will be better serving the Lord as a wife and mother if I do not try to do four chapters now!  So I will just do 17 and 18.

I have to say, that although I have not been doing the activities at the end of every chapter, that this book has had a great effect on me and I think a very positive effect on my marriage.  I hope so anyway.  I know there are changes in my attitude and some actions as well so I pray that the changes will bless my husband and children.

Chapter 17 "To love their children."

..from a trip to Wales.  We left Monday and came back late Friday.  Yesterday we did a little unpacking and recuperating!  The holiday camp we went to was booked by a bunch of us homeschooling families for the week.  The children can roam around and play tennis, golf or miniature golf, several indoors games, ride on their scooters, play on two playgrounds, etc.  The adults watch their little children if they have them and talk to other adults or interact with older children.  We really enjoy the time there and meeting up with other families.

I'll put some photos up on my other blog page when I get my photos sorted.  Yesterday DH was on the computer a lot looking at rocket stuff.   Every time we go to the "resort" (I don't know what to call it really - Cefn Lea is a Christian conference center and vacation resort place) there has been a man there who does rocketry with his sons, and has set off the rockets with an appreciative audience looking on.  This time he brought along several rocket kits one could buy and put together.  My dh got two and built our ds2's rocket for him, and Ds1 did his himself.  This took a few sessions of a couple of hours each and finally on Thursday evening they were able to launch the rockets.  Now DH is interested in getting the stuff necessary to launch the rockets (special stand thing and extra engines, etc etc) so I hardly got on the computer yesterday!  Last night we walked over to a field that belongs to the town, for playing on, and saw that it was big enough to do rockets on if the council allows it.  I think I'll need to phone and find out.


About my talk that I did for the youth group last Sunday.  I felt it went fairly well, though, it was difficult for me to know whether the kids were real interested or not.  I talked and used a MS PowerPoint presentation to add visual interest.  I began with two photos/drawings that showed pictures of a housewife drudge type woman, then two ladies dresssed up in fancy hats having tea - and asked if either of those were how they viewed a stay-at-home woman, and said when I was young those were the images people presented to me of what a SAHM was.  I talked about how my family expectations did not seem to include being a SAHM (although later I found out that one parent thought it was fine) and how I was raised in an age of definite feminism and careerism.

I then presented three Scriptures, on the Power Point Slides: Psalm 127, Psalm 128, and Titus 2:4, 5. I didn't comment much on those Scriptures but said that at some point when I was single I started to get a vision, through Scripture that I hadn't really noticed before, of what God meant for family life.  I did point out about how if we did not follow the 8 items wives were to do, that we were dishonoring the word of God.  I do feel I stumbled a bit here a bit as I was trying to both put forward the seriousness of obeying all of this passage, yet remain tactful.
I then used three aspects of the Titus 2 passage to outline what I did as a SAHM.  I put up a slide blank except for  the phrase from Titus that I wanted to talk about.  The first was about "loving their husbands" and having received David's help in figuring out what to say for this part, talked about doing small things for him, like cups of tea, making meals, and being glad to see him when he came home, and making sure we had time together to communicate.  Early in our marriage we realized the danger of being a couple with "him gone Monday Wednesday and Friday and her gone Tuesday Thursday and Saturday evenings" - i.e. of allowing ourselves to drift apart because of spending too much time apart doing separate things.   I used various photos to illustrate the concepts

Then I talked about "loving their children" and started off with a photo of a cyber-friend's new baby, with a ribbon round her and a tag saying "Love, God".  I mentioned that what I was about to say might be a little controversial but since the main youth leader (one of the elders) said it was OK to introduce a little controversy, that I'd go ahead - and spoke about how we received  children as unconditional blessings.  I mentioned how it affected our lives and how it was a walk of faith.  Then I talked about homeschooling since that is a major part of our day.  I had a few photos for this section too.

Then I spoke about "being workers at home."  I had some slides that I hope were both humorous and informative about all the resources and tools we have at our disposal nowadays to help us.  I confessed that I am not a perfect housekeeper but I try to do a decent job on those tasks that are important.

I talked about opportunities I had to influence my world for Christ - by talking on a radio show one day, and contacting a state governor over a serious issue (didn't mention Terri Schiavo but that was the issue) and said although I am at home mostly I still am able to reach out to others in various ways.  I mentioned about the joy I had, and how I appreciated the freedom to organize my day instead of having to do what a boss wanted and how I was glad to not have the conflicts many women do when they work of being subject to both a boss and their husbands.

will be delayed this week due to my schedule - was very busy this weekend and will be this week, but hopefully I will be able to catch up at some point!  I'm sorry for the delay. 

I'm giving my talk to the youth group at church, about my life as a Stay at Home, homeschooling mom.
Please pray that I'll say exactly what God wants me to.  I don't want to add stuff that I shouldn't, nor not say things because I'm afraid it might offend.  Thanks.

... it is interesting that on a few blogs I have received insight and inspiration about being a Titus 2 mom, or at least was prompted to remind myself (and my friend) of the blessings to come even when we don't see them now.

Today (or was it posted yesterday?) is an excellent post by Amy at Amy's Humble Musings and I commend it to you.

With chapter 15 Debi Pearl begins her sharing with us of her thoughts and experiences of the 8 attributes/actions wives are supposed to practice.

The first character quality is sobriety (Titus 2:4 - "...that they may teach the young women to be sober...")

Mrs Pearl begins with describing the sober wife as one who knows what marriage requires of her.  "She makes a commitment to be the best wife, mother and manager of the home that anyone could be.  She becomes the acting CEO of a great enterprise of which her husband is the owner."

Now some might think that using the analogy of a business is not right as marriage is supposed to be about relationship, etc.  But although it is a union, a relationship, a marriage also has a purpose.  The main one is to glorify God, just like all we do should glorify Him.   It is also supposed to be an illustration of the union of Christ and the church (which again sounds more spiritual and relational than business like).  But it is the means through which we obey God's command to be fruitful and multiply, it is the base relationship and environment in which we raise our offspring and teach them to walk in God's ways.  There is a job to be done.  With that in mind, perhaps a good business model can be helpful.

Some advantages I see are that we accept a chain of command in business or other work environments much more easily than we often seem to in Christian marriages.  Despite clear commands in the New Testament to show respect and obey their own husbands, Christian wives struggle with practicing these while seeming to have no problem respecting their bosses in their employment (if not while married, while they were still single).  Now part of the problem is the 24/7 nature of marriage and the principle "familiarity breeds comtempt"   - which we have to overcome - but much of it is that we just have not grasped, as a body of believer, the importance of our relational roles, and the fact that humility and submission are in no way a sign of weakness (especially intellectual) or lack of dignity (see Philippians 2:5-9 for how Jesus is our example in this).

Mrs Pearl writes: "Her most basic responsibility is to make her husband's home run smoothly.  She assumes the role of coordinator of all affairs.  If the home doesn't run in an orderly fashion, the marriage will not be joyous and fulfilling, and neither will child training.  When a woman soberly considers the needs, time schedule, and resources of her home, then she will be a more efficient help meet.  This planning will eliminate tension and help set a peaceful mood.  ....Men (and children) appreciate good meals, a clean house, and an atmosphere of peace- a refuge from the stress of life." (pp147-8 - emphasis Mrs. Pearl's)

She spends much of the rest of the first part of this chapter chapter encouraging wives to become organized with their meal preparation.  She recommends the use of crockpots, and gives several menu suggestions for using a crockpot for several dinners throughout the week.  She emphasizes planning so that one can buy and prepare meals to aid in the smooth running of the household.

Here I'll make another recommendation for the crockpot.  An important point is that they do not have to be used solely in the preparation of casserole-type meals.  They can be used to cook anything that might require a longish cooking time, like beans or baked potatoes.  Then other things can be done closer to the dinner hour.   

Sometimes even getting things in the crockpot can be hard for some reason.  That's where pre-cooked freezer meals come in handy, or cans of soup.  For those husbands who don't like "mixed dishes" with the meat and the vegetables cooked together (and who aren't as sweet and tolerant as mine is, even with dishes he doesn't like) a previously - cooked lot of meat can be frozen, and then defrosted and heated for dinner, with only the veggies to prepare.  I think freezer meals are a real blessing for those times when things are so hectic that even getting the minimum of preparation done is difficult.  Now of course one can fill the crockpot the night before and put it in the fridge, but not everyone has a big enough fridge.

I would recommend having a meal just for one or two people in the freezer (as opposed to the whole family) for those occasions when all the kids are down with a stomach virus or something.  Then you can just heat the one meal for hubby and yourself (or only hubby if you've got it too). 

Now I have a wonderful husband who is very patient and kind and is very tolerant of my weaknesses especially if things have been difficult at home.  But it is nice if I have at least something to heat and serve to him, even if he is willing to do a little cooking or getting take-out on bad days.  For those ladies who have husbands who seem to be less understanding and willing to step into the gap, planning is really essential and will save on stress all around. 

Mrs. Pearl mentions self-discipline in this section, and that is so true.  We wives need to exercise self-discipline in order to get things done.  I need some more of this characteristic myself!

In the next  part of the chapter Mrs Pearl contrasts modern, feminist thinking with some older thinking which emphasizes making the home pleasant for hubby to come home to.  She warns against making the home a shrine, however, with undue concern for keeping or having  everything just perfect.

Chapter 16 is about "loving our husbands."  She focusses on the physical relation aspect.  I think that most of us (including our husbands) will acknowledge that loving our husbands means more than satisfying their needs for intimacy, but so much of the other aspects of love are covered elsewhere in the book (like meals, having the home be a pleasant haven, being respectful, being an encourager, etc) that this is a good subject to fill this chapter.

I will not comment much about this chapter.  I will quote from a man that wrote to the Pearls, who put things in a very clear way as he tried to communicate with his wife:  "...to a man sex is just like having to eat.  When I have missed a meal I unconsciously roam the kitchen, opening cabinet doors, and peer into the refrigerator, just looking and looking.  I told her that a few days without sex leaves me in the same condition sexually.  No matter how much I love her and respect her feelings and needs, I still have this overwhelming sexual need that drives me until it is satisfied." pp161-2

I just thought that was a very good analogy.  Of course, husbands differ in their needs in this area just as they do in other physical needs. 

Very little is said about physical difficulties (like damge after a difficult birth) and I feel that sometimes there are difficulties that are greater than what seem to be acknowledged in this chapter.  But I think Mrs Pearl is correct in her assertion hormones respond to stimuli and if a woman is willing and ready to please, things are helped along a good deal just because of the physical response to the pleasant thoughts of giving to one's spouse.   Mrs Pearl says refusal to meet the husband's needs in this area is sin.  I feel that that is true except for brief times of real need.  If medical attention is needed then I feel it is wrong to refuse to seek help because of embarassment, or just lack of motivation for whatever reason.  

At the end of the chapter there is a warning about two kinds of perversion.    I'll leave the one but mention the second, which is their advice to call in the law if there is ever any "sexual handling" of the children.  I wanted to point this out because there are so many who feel that anyone who teaches Biblical submission is teaching women to not step in when there is abuse.  That is not the case, at least with the Pearls and with many others.  

Once again I will be late for this, sorry.  The new chapters will be focussing on Titus 2 and I am really looking forward to spending time on them.

Meanwhile, please check out the other bloggers doing weekly reviews on Created to Be His Help Meet:
Kristen (although as of this writing 17:54 in England she has not posted hers yet)
Jenna
Sal

Kristen
Sal
Jenna
Molly

all have good posts on these two chapters.