It is almost painful to hold your tongue instead of using it as a lash when hubby does something stupid (and he will).  It is uncomfortable to act in faith, and keep quiet after making an appeal, and let your husband go ahead with a plan that seems sure to end in disaster.  (But what is worse, for example, moving to another city to start a business that fails, or to emasculate your husband emotionally and spiritually by not letting him follow his dreams?)  Or persisting in following a dream that you have but that your husband does not - it is hard to let our dreams and visions go, but if they are of God, they will come to pass.  We do not need to bulldoze our husbands down to see them fulfilled. 

It is painful to wait.  It is painful to wait to see your husband change while as newlyweds you are both knocking the sharp corners of selfishness off each other.  It is painful to have your own corners knocked off too!  It is painful to wait to see a husband come to the Lord, or to return to the spiritual man he was before he somehow got off track.  

It is painful to live with a selfish, sinning man.  But allowing ourselves to be selfish sinners too, with the attitude of "I'll do right when he does" ain't going to cut it.  How on earth do we persuade ourselves that withholding right actions because our partner fails will lead to a happy marriage?

I'll finish this part of my post, the thoughts on chapter 5, with some quotes I liked:
"It doesn't take a good man, or even a saved man, for a woman to have a heavenly marriage, but it does take a woman willing to honor God by being the kind of wife God intended."

"Note that what God commands a woman to do does not hinge on the man loving his wife as Christ loved the Church.  If it did, there is not one single husband who ever lived and breathed who would be worthy of his wife's submission or reverence.  Each of them, the man and the woman, has been given their own directive from God with a model or pattern to attain to.  What God said stands, regardless of the man's goodness or the apparent lack thereof."


Chapter 6 The Beginning of Wisdom

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."  (Psalm 111:10; Proverbs 9:10; and Proverbs 1:7 has "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge")
Debi begins the chapter by arguing that the word "fear" means just that - not some watered-down meaning that is so popular in these times.  She also reminds us of the law of sowing and reaping - that actions do have consequences.   She talks of the difficulties of convincing many older women of becoming the helpmeet God says they should be and that she came to understand the wisdom of Titus 2:3-5 where the older women are told to instruct the younger women.  Younger women need to be warned of some of the dangers of disobeying God's commands to them.

I think she is right, sometimes we humans do respond better from the fear of some negative consequence than we do just when we are appealed to, to do right (my words, not hers).

In this chapter Debi comments on a woman trying to be her husband's conscience, instead of his help-meet, and the dangers of getting so "spiritual" that she neglects what God plainly says in His word.  

That is seen so often, not just in marriage matters, but in many Christians (and not just Pentecostal ones or others who believe in special spiritual gifts) - the idea that what God has said in His word does not count or does not apply to themselves because they have some sort of "deeper understanding."      This so-called deeper or more spiritual understanding usually is promoted by those teachers and preachers who dismiss much of the New Testament teachings as culturally bound and irrelevant for Christians for some reason.    In recounting a very sad story about a woman who pursued her spirituality while neglecting the clear commands in Scripture in regard to her husband, Debi comments:

"She was totally deceived into thinking that her female intuition, sensitivity, and passions were spirituality.  She had no idea that she was a woman in total rebellion against God.  King Saul of Israel offered sacrifices to God, but he did so in disregards to the clearly revealed will of God. He thought the end justified the means.  His motive was to glorify God, but God said his religious service was rebellion equal to witchcraft (I Samuel 15:23).  When a woman attempts to live for God contrary to his Word, her "spirituality" is equal to witchcraft, because she is attempting to "divine" the will of God in total disregard to his clear written words.  God calls such a woman "Jezebel."

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I'd like to back up here, to comment on fear and the idea of consequences to our actions.  I find this idea gets very little credibility at least in most circles I've been a part of lately.  The idea that God might execute some judgment before THE DAY, or chastise anyone for sin in this life, in any other way than "the Holy Spirit's conviction" is given short shrift by most.   We have to be cautious against labelling difficulties or tragedy in someone else's life as the judgment or discipline of God, but I feel we must be willing to examine ourselves and see if things in our lives might not be from the hand of God to correct us.

Here is another quote: "No woman has ever been happy and fulfilled who neglected to obey God in regard to her role as a help meet.  As you read the following example (the sad story mentioned earlier - KB), you will recall some woman you know who is in her forties and has a few "emotional issues."  Her excuse might be menopause, but you will find that bitterness is the real source.  A hormonal change doesn't change a woman's soul; it just tears down her carefully constructed defences against expressing the carefully guarded content of her heart."   Debi speaks more about practicing bitterness toward the end of the chapter. 

As I thought about it, I remember several women I know who I believe experienced either emotional or physical problems due to bitterness.  I remember one woman, who snapped at her family that it was good that she had a period, because then she got an excuse to say what she really felt (about their lacks or faults).  Her family joked about it a little bit, but in truth this dear woman has not let past hurts go and they still run her life as of the last time I spoke with her.   I fear her bitterness, while not causing the disease she later got, certainly contributes to the stress which exascerbates it.

Well, that's about it for me.  I am not sure I will be able to write so much in future weeks as we will be doing school again, but I will try to write something worthwhile about other chapters if I can.  Otherwise I'll keep schtum!