With chapter 15 Debi Pearl begins her sharing with us of her thoughts and experiences of the 8 attributes/actions wives are supposed to practice.

The first character quality is sobriety (Titus 2:4 - "...that they may teach the young women to be sober...")

Mrs Pearl begins with describing the sober wife as one who knows what marriage requires of her.  "She makes a commitment to be the best wife, mother and manager of the home that anyone could be.  She becomes the acting CEO of a great enterprise of which her husband is the owner."

Now some might think that using the analogy of a business is not right as marriage is supposed to be about relationship, etc.  But although it is a union, a relationship, a marriage also has a purpose.  The main one is to glorify God, just like all we do should glorify Him.   It is also supposed to be an illustration of the union of Christ and the church (which again sounds more spiritual and relational than business like).  But it is the means through which we obey God's command to be fruitful and multiply, it is the base relationship and environment in which we raise our offspring and teach them to walk in God's ways.  There is a job to be done.  With that in mind, perhaps a good business model can be helpful.

Some advantages I see are that we accept a chain of command in business or other work environments much more easily than we often seem to in Christian marriages.  Despite clear commands in the New Testament to show respect and obey their own husbands, Christian wives struggle with practicing these while seeming to have no problem respecting their bosses in their employment (if not while married, while they were still single).  Now part of the problem is the 24/7 nature of marriage and the principle "familiarity breeds comtempt"   - which we have to overcome - but much of it is that we just have not grasped, as a body of believer, the importance of our relational roles, and the fact that humility and submission are in no way a sign of weakness (especially intellectual) or lack of dignity (see Philippians 2:5-9 for how Jesus is our example in this).

Mrs Pearl writes: "Her most basic responsibility is to make her husband's home run smoothly.  She assumes the role of coordinator of all affairs.  If the home doesn't run in an orderly fashion, the marriage will not be joyous and fulfilling, and neither will child training.  When a woman soberly considers the needs, time schedule, and resources of her home, then she will be a more efficient help meet.  This planning will eliminate tension and help set a peaceful mood.  ....Men (and children) appreciate good meals, a clean house, and an atmosphere of peace- a refuge from the stress of life." (pp147-8 - emphasis Mrs. Pearl's)

She spends much of the rest of the first part of this chapter chapter encouraging wives to become organized with their meal preparation.  She recommends the use of crockpots, and gives several menu suggestions for using a crockpot for several dinners throughout the week.  She emphasizes planning so that one can buy and prepare meals to aid in the smooth running of the household.

Here I'll make another recommendation for the crockpot.  An important point is that they do not have to be used solely in the preparation of casserole-type meals.  They can be used to cook anything that might require a longish cooking time, like beans or baked potatoes.  Then other things can be done closer to the dinner hour.   

Sometimes even getting things in the crockpot can be hard for some reason.  That's where pre-cooked freezer meals come in handy, or cans of soup.  For those husbands who don't like "mixed dishes" with the meat and the vegetables cooked together (and who aren't as sweet and tolerant as mine is, even with dishes he doesn't like) a previously - cooked lot of meat can be frozen, and then defrosted and heated for dinner, with only the veggies to prepare.  I think freezer meals are a real blessing for those times when things are so hectic that even getting the minimum of preparation done is difficult.  Now of course one can fill the crockpot the night before and put it in the fridge, but not everyone has a big enough fridge.

I would recommend having a meal just for one or two people in the freezer (as opposed to the whole family) for those occasions when all the kids are down with a stomach virus or something.  Then you can just heat the one meal for hubby and yourself (or only hubby if you've got it too). 

Now I have a wonderful husband who is very patient and kind and is very tolerant of my weaknesses especially if things have been difficult at home.  But it is nice if I have at least something to heat and serve to him, even if he is willing to do a little cooking or getting take-out on bad days.  For those ladies who have husbands who seem to be less understanding and willing to step into the gap, planning is really essential and will save on stress all around. 

Mrs. Pearl mentions self-discipline in this section, and that is so true.  We wives need to exercise self-discipline in order to get things done.  I need some more of this characteristic myself!

In the next  part of the chapter Mrs Pearl contrasts modern, feminist thinking with some older thinking which emphasizes making the home pleasant for hubby to come home to.  She warns against making the home a shrine, however, with undue concern for keeping or having  everything just perfect.

Chapter 16 is about "loving our husbands."  She focusses on the physical relation aspect.  I think that most of us (including our husbands) will acknowledge that loving our husbands means more than satisfying their needs for intimacy, but so much of the other aspects of love are covered elsewhere in the book (like meals, having the home be a pleasant haven, being respectful, being an encourager, etc) that this is a good subject to fill this chapter.

I will not comment much about this chapter.  I will quote from a man that wrote to the Pearls, who put things in a very clear way as he tried to communicate with his wife:  "...to a man sex is just like having to eat.  When I have missed a meal I unconsciously roam the kitchen, opening cabinet doors, and peer into the refrigerator, just looking and looking.  I told her that a few days without sex leaves me in the same condition sexually.  No matter how much I love her and respect her feelings and needs, I still have this overwhelming sexual need that drives me until it is satisfied." pp161-2

I just thought that was a very good analogy.  Of course, husbands differ in their needs in this area just as they do in other physical needs. 

Very little is said about physical difficulties (like damge after a difficult birth) and I feel that sometimes there are difficulties that are greater than what seem to be acknowledged in this chapter.  But I think Mrs Pearl is correct in her assertion hormones respond to stimuli and if a woman is willing and ready to please, things are helped along a good deal just because of the physical response to the pleasant thoughts of giving to one's spouse.   Mrs Pearl says refusal to meet the husband's needs in this area is sin.  I feel that that is true except for brief times of real need.  If medical attention is needed then I feel it is wrong to refuse to seek help because of embarassment, or just lack of motivation for whatever reason.  

At the end of the chapter there is a warning about two kinds of perversion.    I'll leave the one but mention the second, which is their advice to call in the law if there is ever any "sexual handling" of the children.  I wanted to point this out because there are so many who feel that anyone who teaches Biblical submission is teaching women to not step in when there is abuse.  That is not the case, at least with the Pearls and with many others.